Change of Heart?

What?! Not again?! I’m getting several text messages lately from different numbers that isn’t familiar to me. They keep on asking me if I could be their textmate. I don’t chat in tv, I don’t leave my number in boards or forums, I don’t leave my number in desks, chairs, etc… so, where in the world could they get my number unless someone is giving them out right? Now, who in the hell is giving people out my number?! I changed my cell number just last few months ago. Tapos eto na naman. I always tell people I give my numbers to, not to give my number to anybody unless important. If they want it, ask it from me personally. Is that too much to comprehend? I didn’t reply to those people but they’re really bugging me a lot. They keep on sending me messages every now and then… Are they that desperate? There are a lot of people in the world. Why me?! This is one reason why I wasn’t able to let go of “IT” so easily. I really dislike attention. All I wanted is to live a not so noticed life. I may not be much contented with what I am and what I have (especially with my spiritual life – it’s a BIG mess), I wanted to fix things up… I wanted to have something or anything that I can be proud of. In my spiritual case, I’m considering Christianity for a thought… I need to start over from the beggining. I need to regain my faith first. Joining Christianity without the heart of being one is useless diba? It is like in drawing, you should think of what to draw first before drawing and of course drawing should be accompanied by heart right? Otherwise, you would be drawing a blank picture. “A painting is a reflection of it’s painter’s heart.” Sabi nga ni mam Gie (our Philosophy instructor) “you should forget first what it is that you believed about something before you go on and learn something new. The new thing you just learned wouldn’t be absorbed because there already exist a previous belief which contradicts the new one and you would keep on insisting your previous beliefs. This is where I got the title, btw… It was from the Yu-Gi-Oh PC Game. A while ago, I went to a seminar for a new business. That business was the same one TN joined about 3 months ago although the office was from a different place. The company was the same as well as the owner (assuming as they said) He invested 8,800.00 PHP first at that business and it was turned okay after a few weeks. He was so exited and told us that he earned a huge amount in just about a few weeks and asked us if we wanted to join the business. My mom joined the seminar they held to know more about it and decided not to invest our money. Then TN went back to US to get more money to invest at that business and finally, when he went back here at the Philippines, he earned 120,000.000 more. And he was happy about it and went shopping to different places. Then, he decided to invest another 200,000.00 PHP at that business which was supposed to be doubled. But the money didn’t came back and the business was lost. Then, just a few days before, my friend invited me to join. At first I didn’t know that it was the same business, when I got to the seminar, I had this weird feeling that I heard the company name somewhere. Then when I went home and told everyone about it, they said that it was the same business. When I heard this, I told him about that story… He didn’t believe me. It was no surprised for me… He didn’t believe anything I said before. Why should he now? I wanted to tell him that the business is a fraud but I don’t have any proof to show and I wasn’t at the situation when that happened also. When I realized this, I just stopped and said sorry. Why sorry? Sorry because I disturbed him at his peaceful and happy atmosphere. Sorry because it was my mistake in the first place and I shouldn’t have said that the business is a fraud without any proof. Sorry I couldn’t talk him out of it. And If in case the business was really a fraud as I suspected it to be, then, sorry I didn’t have the courage to continue keeping him from the business and saving his heart from the pain of losing his investments. “It was his life. He lives on his own now and I live mine. Why should I care?” I always say this words but I always turned out doing the opposite thing. I wanted to yell at him that moment and tell him I was just trying to help him. That that money he invests was from his hard works would just go to waste if in case it was true. But all I said was a “Sorry” one word and it was just mere “Sorry.” It was the same as before. I wanted to reach out and said “no” but then, I said “yes” to let him go… It was painful to see him walked away from you but it would be more painful to keep him by your side when he doesn’t love you anymore…