Courage

“Before I knew it, someone is always getting hurt because of me. It was my fault that they were hurt and I hate myself.”

Those were the things I already knew but still, I don’t want to hear straight from you. I myself am tormented by my own feelings. I don’t know what to feel either. A part of me is sympathetic of your feelings. I can see you so transparently because I understand how you feel. I understand your pains perfectly. Maybe because we are the same. And by this, I wanted to embrace you tonight until you feel better.

People’s hearts when hurt, are the most sensitive. And so, unknowingly, they shut themselves out from the world. Thinking about the fact that whatever I do or whatever I say wont get to you, it gives me a confused feeling. That alone made me feel sad that I couldn’t even lend a hand. Well, who am I kidding? You couldn’t just approach someone and say, “let’s divide those pains into two.” So by this, I’m tormented by my own helplessness and all I can do is watch you from afar.

At some point, I also feel irritated by your pathetic way of thinking. Maybe because I also think that I was pathetic. That’s why I said that to you. I wanted to tell you, I’m always here. Yet, I wanted to slap your cheeks to wake you up. But in the end, I didn’t say anything. That, too, made me hate myself that I can’t even do things properly.

Honestly, no matter what you do, you can never prevent people from getting themselves hurt. And if you care too much about other people, you’ll end up doubling the pain you are already feeling. You can never rid this world of pain. You are not a god. You’re only human. One that is born to stumble and get up each and every time. One that is born to feel pain, shed tears and smile after each and every rain. One that is both loved and hated.

I always wanted to say those words to you. But for some reason, I couldn’t find the courage to tell you that. It’s sad really, that I can’t even voice out my feelings and I regret this so much. I wished I could be reborn. When I do, I would do every single thing again from the start and I promise that I would try my best to leave no regrets in that time. But now, no matter how hard I yell, it wouldn’t reach you anymore. No matter how many tears I shed, you won’t be coming back. Let this rain continue to pour tonight. Please let the sky cry all night in my stead. Maybe if the sky cries, it would somehow reach you. Maybe the sky can tell you too, of how much I love you.

Let It Rain
Chapter 2: Courage

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Let It Rain

• Chapter 1: Joy Ride
• Chapter 2: Courage
• Chapter 3: Promise
• Chapter 4: E-mail