Mid last week, Lolo’s wife, Tita Rita, was sent to the hospital. Lolo’s face reflected both pain and relief. Pain for what happened to Tita Rita and relief that she’s fine after the examinations. Seeing Lolo’s face that week made me think hard and wonder. If I would be in such a tight situation, with mixed feelings, where I’m stuck in the middle and do not know where to go, where no matter how hard I try, I couldn’t do anything but to stand by and watch someone painfully and wait, I wondered then if would I call on His name for help and once again and start to believe that there’s someone somewhere who’s watching.
Last Saturday morning, we received a call from my cousin, Yan-yan, that our grandmother was sent to the ER. Luckily, I was done with the moving, arranging and cleaning of my stuff to my new pad that Friday night. We rushed to the hospital to find out what happened and how she’s doing so far. When we arrive, she can’t move nor speak. Her eyes were open but she doesn’t recognize us. It’s as if she doesn’t even see us. We stayed there for a few hours and left right after. While on the way home, I thought that feeling that same pain was very quick to hit me back. I’m on that edge of being helpless again where I can’t do anything but stay silent and wait for the results. The feeling of those hours were like years and waiting for those decade-like days were painful that it nulled my entire body. Then and there, it reminded me of that same thought I was having – on this same situation, would I end up kneeling down and pray?
Then, the next day, as we were talking with my cousin, she was saying that at worst case, she could end up in a comma. If that would be the case, she says, she would be better off dead than in pain. I agree to her point that if she would live the remains of hr life in pain, it would be better for her to just die instead of suffer, but of course, I remained silent. My mom, however, disagreed and went on a rampage. She said, who are we to question what God has decided. God gave her life, who are we to just take it like that. I wanted to tell her that if God gave her a life where she suffers so much pain and she doesn’t even have a choice but to just accept it, where she can’t even move for a fact, then God is cruel. But of course, like usual, I remained silent. As they were arguing in the phone, I left to take a bath. As I was in deep thoughts and wondering what would happen in a few days and thought if somewhere deep inside me, do I still believe in God? After a while of thinking, as I was drying myself, I realized that a divine being, no matter how small or big something came to me, is something I will no longer have faith in. Evey single thing, no matter the size of it, it will need our own efforts, our own strength to go through and putting it all up to a divine being would be the same as having someone by your side. Having God hear your burdens is the same as sharing your pains with your friends and family. To make it simpler, it’s like wanting someone to hear you and be there for you to make you feel a little better.
Then and there, I thought that if God was real, I would feel pity over him. That people just call unto him whenever it is convenient for them. When people are at the edge of everything else, they would remember to call his name, other than that, it’s as if, he isn’t even there.
PS: My grandma’s fine now. ๐
19 Comments
nice to know grandma is ok.. Amishu sis.. wala pa din me blog.. hahaha! too lazy.. hayzz,, kakamiss mag spam d2. hekhekhek…:P resigned ka na tlga. I’ve read somewhere sa mga comments na and2 ka makati.. ๐ sa wakas napadpad ka na d2, hahaha!!
Ahaha! Wag mo kong yayaing maglakwatsa. Hindi pa rin ako marunong mamasahe! X-P
don’t worry GOD is completely BOGUS =)
every thing you just said (on the subject of god)I completely agree with and I feel exactly the same, I have a number of times prayed to him but I feel that it was my own efforts which got me to the places I am today and its my own efforts which will get me to new places. Unless I do some thing nothing will happen and thats the truth, we can’t simply leave our selves in the hands of a supposed higher being, however there are times when people just need some thing to believe in.
Luv Bexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx(I apologise for my unactiveness but I got tests comingup T_T)
Philip: Don’t pity God. It’s HIS JOB. He loves us so much and He told us to call upon Him when we are heavily burdened. He knows WE CAN’T do it. Not trusting God in everything we do and trusting ourselves is called PRIDE. (Lucifer became a devil because of Pride)
Chette: But Christians should be ashamed if they are using God as a Genie and not as a Loving Father. Nice to hear your grandmother is Ok now. GBU!
glad your grandma is ok now. and hope you are enjoying your new life up there! Don’t stress out now.. take care! ingats! ๐
ps. out na yng naruto shippuuden episode 46 lol ๐ ๐
@ Philip ~
Yeah, but I think, Christians as they are, should at least thank their god even at least once a year, no? But then, as you had said, it is “HIS JOB” – it makes me pity him more. Frankly, he’s just like a unconditional lover or a slave, or a call-boy/girl type that you call whenever and wherever, more than a god.O_o
@ enob-x ~
I haven’t even seen the 45th eps. I didn’t bring my PC along with me. ๐
@ euri ~
aahh… why??
๐ฎ ๐ฎ
sayang yun.. di ba pinag ipunan mo yun.. ๐ฎ
Yup! I’ll bring it to my pad sometime later. Can’t bring it last time because of my stuff and all. ๐
ah ok.. ๐ anyway if you get a chance download / watch naruto, lol they finally showed “HIM” but they cut it short!! X-P X-P :aww:
anyway hope you enjoy in you new pad.. lol (sosi na ha pa-pad pad na lng ha lol)
Sino si “him”?
@ euri ~
is sasuke lol.. spoiler!! hehehe.. ๐ฟ
What are you talking about? Oh you’re probably talking about OTHER Christians. We’ll we’re not like that. We Thank God Everyday! and God is delighted in our lives even we are not perfect. Nagbago na pala link namin, exchange links ulit ๐
Isa lang masasabi ko…di na talaga ako marunong magdasal. xD
Whew. Glad to know your grandma’s a-ok now. Send my get-well-soon wishes to her ok! *as if close kami WTF* ๐
hiya Euri! i moved!!~~
how’ve u been doing?
enob,
Oh. I thought it was Yondaime you were referring to. X-P
Najo,
Hey, even if I am an atheist for about 6 years now, I still know how to pray – and a sincere prayer at that, too.
Talamasca,
Thanks! I love you! [insert all random mushy stuff here] XD Doesn’t it creep you out like shit? XD
Philip and Chette,
I changed your links na! Where did Chette’s blog went?
Creepy love is better than no love WTF. ๐