Whenever I wake up, I’m forced to see reality. And each time, the pain carves deep into my soul. It makes me want to go back to sleep and just forget everything. Living inside your dreams is better. You can choose which life you wanted to live and who you wanted to live with. Unlike in reality where all you can do is accept it, just vent away your frustrations and move on.
But after having long repeated arguments with myself that actually last a second in reality, I still choose to wake up each time. I still try hard to pull myself up the bed each morning to look at the sun out my window that doesn’t really mean anything to me, feel the warm sun, get blinded by the light, and irritated by the hot weather. It’s like hating vegetables, yet you still eat it because your mom says so that sort of feeling.
I don’t know why I do this. Maybe, for self-satisfaction. I probably wanted to prove to myself that I can stand on my own feet no matter how painful life can be. And you know, at the end of each day, I only end up saying one phrase over and over… Life, fuck you.