How Long?

You know how much I wanted to just die. How I wanted to free myself from these invisible chains that binds me so tight. These thin wrists had eventually numbed through time. I can no longer feel the pain no matter how much it bleeds through my struggling. This heart feels so heavy. Too much that I’m suffocating. I ran out of voice from screaming. Even still, I continue to scream silently. Even Hope has left my side. Thinking about it makes me feel so pathetic. It makes me want to slap myself of anger and at the same time, embrace myself of pity. I even wanted to end my life. It’s just that I do not want to be the to do it. It’s not that I do not have the courage to commit suicide. It’s just that I would feel even more pathetic when I do.

For how long will I bear this? For how long will I be able to?

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  1. oh girl. whatever you’re going through right now, i hope you can get over with it too soon. well, eventually you will, that is if you accept the truth behind those things that bring you so much pain.

    i dunno want to say to comfort you but i hope my last message will help you feel better,

    ‘take care’.

    ~love you.

  2. Great. There goes my self-mutilation tendencies. 😆
    At the moment, I don’t think I have anything close to “good” to say… because am feeling the same way as you do now… for different reasons, probably. 😐 yeah, most probably.

  3. Euri!!! dont let negative emotions and irrational thoughts get the best of you. Im just a mouse click away if you need me. 🙂

  4. I’m jealous of how you got that feeling in to words. I’m bad at saying things, to maybe make people feel better, so I’ll just say; Take care Euri

  5. @ monalisa ~
    Thank you for wishing me to die as well. I appreciate that. It’s so thoughtful of you. You don’t have to worry about comforting me.

    @ Matthew ~
    I don’t call it “negative emotions”, I call it “reality”. And it’s not born of my irrational thoughts either. It’s born of my rationalism, imho.

    @ Nura ~
    I just let myself my hands do the typing. Regardless of how horrible the grammar may turn out.

    @ KT ~
    Yes, it does. And that’s makes it even more unbearable.

  6. There are times when we think that we rather die than feeling these kinds of emotions that made us feel like our life is like a hell and sometimes a feeling that our life seems to be so pathetic. Yet, we must overcome and make ourselves strong… keep going and if possible, just take a sleep and look forward to another day. Sometimes I also felt this way, like what you might be feeling right now but I cannot do anything because this is not like a problem that only comes to us and just finding a solution to solve it… this is a feeling, an emotion, sadness resides deep inside… as one of my poem says “behind my smile there’s a pain.” You’ll overcome this, I know. You’re stronger than what you think. This is just a day. Tomorrow is another day, see the sunset and look forward for the sunrise. This is just another day. Go on… 🙂

  7. Aw, cheer up Euri! When in doubt, there’s always your friends and family! 🙂 There are always obstacles in life you have to overcome. If you need help, I’m always here for advice. *Hugs*

  8. Things can always get better. I’ve lived through some remarkably bleak life experiences, felt like dying, and yet those moments shape you for the better in ways you usually can’t appreciate until some time later. really

  9. Yo, girl! Is this for real? Um, this may sound so optimistic, happy-go-lucky, let-the-fucking-sunshine of me, but everything will eventually fall into place. Hang in there, m’k? 🙂

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