There was a time when someone asked me why I don’t get jealous. All I did was remain silent and never replied. But you know, in fact, I do. Who doesn’t, anyway? It’s just that I do not want to trouble myself telling people that I am. Even if I do, they can’t do anything for me anyway. Or maybe I was just making up this excuse to cover my abnormality. Where in reality, I’m a pretty possessive woman.
Most of the time, I don’t want other people’s attention. I hate it most when people notice me. But then, when it comes to people I care, I want them to stay with me always. I’m no better than a dog wagging it’s tail wanting attention and wanting to be pet. I think, wanting love is just normal. But trying everything to keep a person beside you always had gone way beyond the line and it’s quite pathetic. Yes, it is honest of me to say that I am indeed pathetic.
The one thing that I hate most hearing from someone are the words “I can’t breathe” due to my own possessiveness. I always feel like being chained but then I, myself, am also doing the same. With this in thought, I grew scared. I’m terribly frightened that I would lose someone for holding that person too tight. So I always ended up doing the wrong thing and to other people aside from myself, it always seemed as if I left that person hanging in the dark. But actually, all I can do is to keep myself in a corner and hide from the light full of despair.
Sometimes, it keeps me wondering how long would I stay this way.