Pity for a Once Called Friend

After a long while, I saw a certain friend. She was just right in front of me. So I called out to her. She just turned around and walked away. I was surprised that she did that because she never did that to me even once. So I just assumed she didn’t hear nor see me. After a few days, I saw her again. She was with her boyfriend which is a friend as well. I called out her name twice but she did not respond. Again, I assumed, she didn’t hear me. I went to them and her boyfriend said hi. When I said hi to her, she turned away. I was insulted beyond words but I didn’t mind and just thought she had problems and that she’s just in a bad mood. Then, a few hours later, I saw her again, still with her boyfriend. I saw her exchanging conversations with him and I supposed by how she looked, she is in a good mood. I called out to them again. She looked my way. I smiled at her but she looked the other way around again, pretended she never saw me and as if already in a bad mood after seeing me. I was supposed to be angry but I just told myself, she didn’t saw me and just left with a heavy heart. We crossed each other on my way and I looked at her pleasantly with a smile still, after all those she’ve done. She looked down, covered half of her face and looked at me with razing, cold eyes. I felt that if she could, at that moment, she could’ve killed me. Then I thought to myself, have I done her any wrong? I couldn’t recall a single thing. I had always been kind to her even if she rejected me a few times already. I tried to reach out but she never did the same. For a while, I isolated myself from people to think over things. On one thought, I told myself that I should have sided with her in our little conflict with other friends. But if I did, I would be lying to myself and the more I wouldn’t be free from her as well. But then, on the other thought, it was lying to oneself that I hated so much more than anything. Why would I lie to myself when I clearly know that truth and that truth is right before my very eyes. After thinking for so long, I found my answers and just laugh at myself for being too naive at times. She rather chose to accept and believe her self-made lies than facing reality. I just told her the truth that she should know and she refused to believe that truth. And I have no other options but to side with my other friends to wake her from reality but she never did.

Acceptance – what I had always wanted but never got. Many time people and friends told me that but they never did. Everything seems to just piled up. I had grown weary of things and decided to leave them so as I could go on. As to my friend, I had decided to leave her be as to what things could make her happy. I don’t want to be a hypocrite to myself and still consider her my friend after that. And yes, I admit, that as of this moment, I am furious of her. So furious that I wanted her to suffer so bad that she would ran herself out of tears of the pain she would be feeling. But more to that, I pity her for being so helpless despite her pretensions. She is old enough to know what she did, and so I expect her to accept every pain she would be facing because of this… alone.

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